2024 – Standing Straight, Baptism, Works-Based Motivation, Rolling Again, and Perseverance

In the first two posts of this 3-part series, I’ve documented a lot of the major events or changes I’ve personally been going through these last 3+ years in my walk with Christ (hopefully as a testament to who He is, and perhaps educational or edifying to you in some way as well!).

In part 1, I discussed my revelatory experience of coming to Jesus out of the new age, salvation, my spiritual or mental battles ramping up, legalism, and finding a bit of community in the process.

In part 2, I dove into feelings of disconnectedness whilst “entering the forest,” finding work, losing my car, and finding volunteer opportunities. I also got into my initiation into therapy, where I learned about an OCD diagnosis, and how that began to shape my understanding of self/or patterns of the past.

Now we’re on to part 3 where I get into a couple of amazing miracles that took place in 2024, my baptism, my revelation and fight with works-based salvation, and where things are at now within the first quarter of 2025. Let’s go!

Standing Straight: January 2024

The shrilling pain I was in anytime I tried to move was relentless. What in God’s green earth just happened to me?

By Christmas time of 2023, I had noticed my old running shoes (used mainly for walking) had basically seen their last athletic mile. I think 13+ years out of an Asics Kayano was a pretty solid run (no pun intended).

I was in search for some new kicks, but wasn’t really feeling right in some of the newer shoes I had tried on. By (what I think) was the Lord’s hand, I was led to a YouTube ad one day in November or December about a shoe called “Xero Shoes.” These were athletic shoes touted as being a “minimalistic” shoe, that looked very flexible and more form-fitting to our natural foot shape than most shoes on the market.

Despite my initial skepticism because it looked like they had “Xero” cushioning (pun intended), I felt like something was leading me to put it on my Christmas list and give them a go (if received).

Graciously I got a pair on Christmas day (HFS II pictured), though a half size too large. A week later or so after receiving the replacement, I started slowly using them on the treadmill (walking slower than my normal pace as they are quite different compared to most shoes…I could definitely tell the difference). I had instantly noticed some muscles in my legs and back (due to soreness) that hadn’t been getting used much before, regardless of the fact that I am basically a daily walker.

About 2 days later, what I wasn’t expecting on January 8, 2024 though was one of the most physically painful experiences I’ve ever had in my life.

As I bent down that morning to get a pan out from the lower oven drawer, I felt (and heard) a MASSIVE pop in my lower back, and I was down. Clocked out. Good night.

The shrilling pain I was in anytime I tried to move was relentless. What in God’s green earth just happened to me?

Regardless of the fact that it took me 10-15 minutes to even find the ability to try and stand with the use of the counter I fell down next to me (and my Mom, who also heard the “pop” from 20 feet away, suggesting a visit to the hospital or chiropractor), I had this weird feeling of peace and calm over me (that I say was likely the Holy Spirit), ensuring me to just take it slow, and sort of had a gut feeling that I actually didn’t need to go anywhere.

Tasked to be on the couch for the day, I had some time to research. By the evening I had looked in the mirror, to oddly notice that it looked like my lower back was “more flat” than it had been in as far as I could remember.

What I didn’t realize was that I had been navigating life for decades (if not forever) with a condition called “lumbar lordosis.” It is effectively when the lower spine concaves inward too far towards the lower abdominal region (mountsinai.org).

In short (as I may do a more in-depth post on this story in the future), I believe God had performed a miracle healing that I didn’t even know I fully needed.

I don’t have any personal photo comparisons or X-Rays to confirm this, but what I can say is that it was a noticeable difference to me and my parents. My general posture had change almost instantly. Though I can’t tell if it is perfectly set or not, a lot of my lower back problems of years past have resided since then (after a few weeks of slowly building and re-strengthening those areas).

Sidebar: I had originally developed some lower back pains in my teenage years due to a hockey injury. I’m not totally sure if lumbar lordosis came to fruition as a result of that injury, or if I already had a larger indentation in my lower back all the way through childhood (because I honestly can’t remember).

Thanks be to God and Xero Shoes for changing my life in that regard! It was a wild experience.

Disclaimer: I’m not a medical professional. Any medical recommendations or information given should not be taken as professional advice. I’m simply speaking of what happened in my personal experience and reflecting off of how I remember my body being, how things changed, and referencing a possible condition I had.

Also, individual results may vary with the use or purchase of any product (in this case, Xero Shoes). Though I believe God had a hand in this for me, I cannot guarantee that the purchase and use of these shoes for yourself would render similar healings or outcomes. I’m not currently an affiliate with Xero Shoes as of this writing.

Baptism: May 2024

It was my birthday month, and it just so happened to be that my home church was going to be performing baptisms. Though I had been water-baptized as a young lad (baby), it is commanded by Jesus for new followers in Christ. Though we’re not saved by baptism, it is an outward showing of our new life in Christ, with symbolism being washed of our sins and raised to new life (GotQuestions.org).

“Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit” (Matthew 28:19 ESV).

So, two years and couple months after coming to faith, I was baptized at Phos Church, and am grateful for the service they integrated us into with that. It was an interesting experience; a mix of nerves and anticipation for sure. The tub used was in a really cool spot at that church; right in front of a cross above the main stage. Myself and a few others that day also read a bit of our own personal testimonies of coming to Jesus. It ended up being a beautiful day.

Works-Based Motivation

Come to find out, as far as I can tell, is that some really old and ugly patterns were surfacing in relation to people pleasing and compulsion.

By early fall of 2024, things were starting to look up a bit. I was getting more consistent work, but still only living paycheck to paycheck. I had gotten into some new routines such as doing morning devotionals and Bible reading to start the day.

However, I was starting to feel some inklings of irritation in relation to my faith devotion. Over the last 2.5 years (at this point in the journey), I had not really had a ton of leisure time; a cocktail mix of isolation, low self-worth, legalistic tendencies, no extra money, no car of my own, etc, all started to add up to be quite mentally challenging.

My home church had also just gone through a pretty big transition, and I was integrated into doing more service with them (such as helping edit and post weekly YouTube sermon videos), and that has been good for me. Overall though, it seemed like something was a bit off in my personal relationship with God, or how I was approaching things.

I think on some level I had started to get really frustrated with God (and also myself). I had many questions for God as to why it felt like major things weren’t changing; and frustrated with myself because it also felt dichotomous in the sense that I still felt like I was capable of more (even though I was edging on exhaustion).

Even though from what I had learned so far that we are not saved by doing good things for God in the name of Jesus, I notice that a pattern of continued and consistent church attendance, serving, and feeling like I had to be in my Bible every day (out of obligation from my own self talk) had started to feel slightly more like a burden than a gift or something I wanted to do from the heart (even though while I was still doing those things, I did notice a separate feeling of gratitude).

I was inching on burnout a couple times. Frustration with God had started to mount because I started asking myself questions like:

 “Lord, I’m doing this thing, and serving there, and giving to that thing. Sacrificing time, and putting my money towards you first and blah blah blah…Why do I feel like the big things in my life aren’t shifting? Why do I feel like I’m striving all the time? Why can’t I ever seem to get ahead in life (even before the faith)? I know you see my diet seems restricted, that I’m doing my best to hear you and serve you. I know you see I’m trying to change my habits and mindsets, but also not try to be legalistic in my choices because that feels even more restrictive. But then I do something that isn’t legalistic, but then feel guilt? Lord, why can’t I seem like I can even make enough money to get a vehicle, let alone get out of debt? Am I doing anything right? Doesn’t your Word say to do all these things I’m doing? Why am I still so fearful? Why do I get anxious around some people, even if they’re loving? Are they getting too close, so I need to shut out? Are you warning me? Why haven’t you taken my anxiety? Why haven’t you healed my spasm issues? Why, why, why?”

Hopefully not sounding to “woe-is-me” in said paragraph, but let’s be honest, I think a lot of us wonder “why” to a lot of things, especially when in the faith. Yes, yes, I know, “…do not lean on your own understanding” (Proverbs 3:5 ESV).

But let’s be real here; the Bible is full of people’s questions, laments, obedience or disobedience, and puzzling decisions. Oh how different we are not.

And regardless of those questions, it’s almost like a part of me does recognize that everything I already do have is a gift. My circumstances could absolutely be much, much worse. I’d rather have the issues I deal with than some of the other ailments or challenges I see other people navigate. I do see where I can make improvements in my own day-to-day, of course. So I definitely get all of that, but when you’re in the thick of the forest, it can be really difficult to see past the mental fog, the pain, or the circumstances at times. Regardless, we are to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thessalonians 5:18) to the best of our ability.

Come to find out, as far as I can tell, is that some really old and ugly patterns were surfacing in relation to people pleasing and compulsion. Though we are told to serve (and can find great joy doing so), just as faith in Jesus comes from having the right heart posture (Romans 10:9), I believe this also translates to most areas of life as well.

If we can’t find the right heart posture for why we’re doing something (such as serving, church attendance, or even starting a business), then it is very easy to fall into a trap of doing things out of compulsion. Perhaps (for me) it’s to try and fill an unhealed void, to be noticed, to “earn” love…the reasons could be endless…but it’s not healthy.

This isn’t to say that there won’t be times where doing certain things in your daily life will be easy or convenient all the time. There is nuance there. But if your pattern underneath the surface of all you’re doing is based on a lot of what I said above, then you’re probably working to please God (or others) vs. serving Him or others because you love Him.

It’s a tough walk though. Life adds up. Frustrations mount. And even if you’re born again, you’re still human.

Rolling Again: November 2024

It took almost a year and a half, but my vehicle prayer was answered in the craziest of ways that I never saw coming. Since when does God ever do anything that we don’t see coming? 😏.

I received a text/call from a friend mid-morning of October 28, and she had started to tell me this story about an extra vehicle that she owned was originally going to be fixed up and utilized or sold. Without getting into the whole additional back-story of the individual for privacy reasons, this person had actually felt a prompting for about a year to actually gift the vehicle to me.

She wasn’t 100% sure if I was still in need of a car by the time she got around to faithfully calling me about this, but it turned out I had not had one yet; since June of 2023. In short, she basically said “the car is yours, if I wanted it.” To say that I was speechless was an understatement.

Couple things went through my head during and after though:

1. A YEAR?! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?! (Totally kidding…sort of 😅.
2. [SMALL MOVIE SPOILER ALERT]: I definitely felt like the character Greg Laurie in the Jesus Revolution film for a hot second, who also received a car in the movie from a congregation of friends.
3. Just as I was writing this, a thought popped into my head of my favorite video game growing up (Gran Turismo series) where you were gifted cars for completing races, and the cars are in shadow until they’re revealed (leaving you in anticipation as to what it might be)…so it seemed like I had flashbacks of that while it was happening, except it was in real life this time.

Hard to beat receiving a virtual pink Toyota Vitz, am I right? Ahh…I miss those days…

But yeah, I was astounded. It is a 2007 Honda CRV. High miles, but starts right up! Definitely needed (and still needs) a bit of TLC, but overall a beautiful blessing nonetheless. I ended up taking it home on November 1, 2024.

I had to wait a month to drive it due to a repair reason, but I couldn’t have drawn this story up in my own plan, that is for sure. The Lord is faithful. Despite all my laments, I still don’t deserve it.

Present Day: Learning and Integrating God’s Love (and love from others), Understanding OCD, Re-learning to Be Present, Persevering, and Understanding the Spirit’s Leading

So where are things as of today in 2025? I started really learning about OCD more heavily the last couple months (I originally mention this in part 2 of this series). My inner frustrations were still surfacing a lot, and it seemed like it came down to noticing that I don’t really know how to receive God’s love yet. Even though I felt and knew it when I first came to the faith, I’ve had a difficult time fully receiving His promises over me (forgiveness, no condemnation, unconditional love, etc.).

I think that will come in time as I shift my mindset and continue to emotionally heal from my own past mistakes or things that have been done against me in the past. It’s crazy how deeply rooted some of our past traumas or feelings of guilt (even for small things) can bury themselves within and really cause a lot of problems in adulthood. But thankfully, no matter the good we enjoy or bad things we endure in our temporary earth life, it is not the end of the story for those who put their faith in Him.

I’ve been leaning into trying to learn to mentally be present again. When OCD, anxiety, or trauma kicks up, it can boot you out of the present moment so fast, and that’s when everything else begins to feel chaotic and out of control.

I’m also enduring a time of attempting to understand how the Holy Spirit leads. It had come up multiple times for me the week before I wrote the first draft of this post. I would say jumping into finally putting this blog out there has been part of that leading, but discerning that voice has proved difficult thus far.

With scrupulosity, sometimes there is a “god voice” that will make you feel like there are certain tasks you should do, even if it sounds crazy and “Godly” (Scrupulosity Solutions has a great post on this). Sometimes it is the case, but deciphering that can be very difficult…and in fact, can cause rumination to be worse, since you’re “always searching for the answer to come.” But I think in due time, as that relationship with Christ grows, things will become more known.

At the end of the day though, sometimes you just gotta make a decision, and coupled along with integrating a little more perseverance, I’m attempting to make bigger life decisions without being so anxiously trapped. The feelings that crop up in the body at times around said decisions can be very debilitating when they occur, and for whatever reason, decision-making has proven to be one of my biggest mental hurdles to deal with in my life.

I hope the more this is practiced and felt through, the more quickly and efficiently I can make decisions in the future.

A Small Thank You

There have been so many stories, connections, restarts and resets, and people whom have been of help to me along the way thus far in the last 3 years, it would be impossible to integrate all those instances into 3 blog posts.

But just know this: if you have come into contact with me, have personally helped me, or ran a group, ministry or church I’ve attended and it wasn’t mentioned in these posts, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for any love, support, invitation, prayer, or 1-on-1 time given.

This doesn’t exclude some of you closest to me who may not currently be in the faith either…I truly appreciate the love. I just hope that I have been a blessing in return in some way, shape, or form.

Year 3 Insights: What I learned and Pieces of Bread You Can Take with You & A Quick Message of Encouragement:

It’s no secret that life in its current form is a messy existence. Nothing is perfect. Finding grace and forgiveness can be tough, especially when the most harrowing of things happen.

Maybe you’ve lost someone way too young. Maybe you lost a job recently, or had to endure the loss of a home or car. Maybe you can’t seem to get over a couple of your mistakes in the past. Though those scars may be there, you can find joy again. You can find peace again (even though it may be elusive at times). It can be found in Jesus, because everything else in this world is temporary.

This doesn’t mean that the faith walk is sunshine and rainbows though. We’re still going to feel things, endure things, and question things. But in the end, it will be worth it.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33 ESV).

A good friend of mine reminded me recently that no season lasts forever. Not even the season of being on the currently cursed earth. At some point this will end. The gift of eternal life lies ahead for those who put their faith in Christ (John 3:16). And in a world where the dichotomy of good and bad exists, that is a gift worth receiving (that we don’t deserve).

What’s Ahead

Honestly, as I post this, I halfway feel like I’m partially winging it. I know I like to create and share stories (if I can get more consistently past my inner fears of that). I enjoy writing and feel like it’s been on my heart for a long time to start doing this.

But as I finish this series, I’m at an inflection point in some life areas. I don’t really know what’s next. I don’t know the exact direction of this website or blog. I feel like I should, but I don’t. I suppose I’m just going to start writing and sharing different things that come to me, and hope that it will be a blessing to you.

I have a lot of skills to share and utilize in the creative realm, so I’m open to different projects as well, but whatever I do, I’m hoping to do it for the Lord as best as I can, and I pray that any of these words or stories be of encouragement to you.

I’m still in the midst in revamping my site a little bit. But I hope to provide more resources in the near future of things that have helped me in my faith walk, or maybe come up with some ideas of my own.

If you decided to read one or all three of the posts in the series, I thank you for spending the time to do so. I truly hope that any of the words and stories may have been encouraging, uplifting, or relatable to you in your life journey.

If you feel drawn to do so, there are ways to give on the site (which I would be over-the-moon appreciated for), but absolutely no obligation. Or if you want to follow along in relation future updates and posts, consider signing up to my free email list (also currently being revamped).

Final Thoughts

As we are concluding Holy Week on this Resurrection Sunday, it is an amazing time of year to come to know Jesus. What He did for all of us around 2,000 years ago was forever life-changing. Living a sinless life, taking upon Himself the wrath for all of our sins so that we could be reconciled to God, and defeating death 3 days later, is the most transformative event in world history.

If you’ve never put your faith in Christ, I would highly encourage you to do so. I was in search for truth for a very long time, and it led me to Jesus and the Bible. I don’t believe in it because others said I should, or that I feel like it’s the best way I currently want things to be (though, what is to come after His return is everything good and more than we could ever conjure up fully in our minds).

I believe it now because as I took the steps and came to the end of myself, the more things were revealed to me (like…intuitively or a “knowing” on a soul level…hard to explain the experience), and then later on, found evidence of it in God’s word that backed it up in multitudes of ways thus far.

If you really take a hard, introspective look at why everything is the way it is in this world (from life and death, to all the deception or betrayals everywhere, or lack of perfection in every day life, there has to be a reason for all of it). There has to be more than just this life. As I mentioned at the beginning of part 1: either everyone is wrong about life down here, or there is a way that is true.

I recognize that saying what I’m saying might come off as hard-hearted, stubborn-minded, or inflexible (that Jesus is the only way to heaven and eternal life). It was very difficult for me to come to terms with and wrap my head around at first as well.

I’m not the one making the claim though. Jesus himself made the claim (John 14:6), and then fulfilled 300+ biblical prophecies while He was here to further illustrate His standing as the Messiah (with more fulfillment to come). And I recognize it might not make sense to you (if you’re an unbeliever reading this). I didn’t “get it” either, until I put my faith in Him. As the Bible verse that heavily resonates with me and my experience says:

“But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed” (2 Corinthians 3:16 ESV).

It literally felt like there was this veil that was lifted off of my conscience when I first accepted Jesus.

I had tried reading the Bible a few years before my salvation (just for my own spiritual study), and honestly after reading through Genesis, I thought it was a bit of a crock (oh how wrong I was). It didn’t make sense to me at the time.

I also found this verse recently that helped put that into perspective further, as it is seemingly difficult for non-believers to understand the fullness of the things of God:

“The natural person does not accept the things of the Spirit of God, for they are folly to him, and he is not able to understand them because they are spiritually discerned” (1 Corinthians 2:14 ESV).

But after salvation, it read entirely different. The Word came alive in a way that I can’t really truly explain. It is something to be experienced.

Even if you don’t believe half of what I’m sharing…this one thing stands 100% true, no matter what you believe: That the current physical life in which we all currently exist in is temporary. Whether you’re here for a day, or 110 years, the physical body will eventually fail and die (minus a few major exceptions, according to the Bible/or until the Lord returns).

That is my 3-year walk with Jesus thus far (even though technically He’s been there my whole life). If you haven’t started yourself, I encourage you to do so. There are no special words to say. You can find things like “sinner’s prayers” online in many places as a way to help finding words to say, but it is all done by confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart that Jesus is Lord that will bring salvation (Romans 10:9).

I also pray that whether you’re going through a season of hurt, confusion, or jubilation, that you’re able to find solace and thankfulness at this time in your life!

Thank you for reading and I appreciate you being here. I’m looking forward to diving into many topics as time goes on!

God bless,

Corey