Longing for Love

Valentine’s Day is on the horizon and many of you will be sharing a romantic day/evening with your significant other. Maybe it’s time away from the kids, a daring first date, a luxurious dinner out on the town, or perhaps low-key quiet time with yourself.

Though February 14 has notoriously been one of my least favorite holidays of the year (not sure if because I’ve been single a good majority of my life, or if I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the commercialism of the holiday…maybe I’ll change my mind someday? 😏), I guess on the bright side, it’s a nice reminder of the love that we can share with others.

What is love though, exactly? Is it a feeling? An act of service? Dedication to something?

Underneath our pains, struggles, life dynamics, and daily routines, I believe we all have a longing for it; to feel seen, heard, understood, accepted, embraced, etc. And though those things can be reflected and brought into our relationships, we’re also flawed in multiple ways and can end up doing, saying, or choosing paths that aren’t out of love, hard as though we may try to get it right.

Because of our glitched nature, in life we all have a hodgepodge of blissful moments, painful outcries, comfort, miscommunications, hysterical laughs, deep-in-the-valley struggles, and top-of-the-mountain wins.

Who defines what love is though? How do we know when something is right or wrong?  Why are we in this mishmash of everything I just mentioned in the existence we call life, and then some?

Filled with Love

If there is one thing that turned me into a true believer in Jesus Christ about 4 years ago, it was the love that filled my heart space the moment I accepted Him as Lord and savior. It was an unforgettable experience, and I truly wish I could portray with words and feeling what that was actually like, and why all the other legitimacies of His Biblical Word stand with it because it was like a revelatory, simultaneous knowing of the overall truth that permeates existence just flowing through my soul and mind.

My words wouldn’t compare because it was otherworldly. That being said, I believe love runs even deeper than that experience. The premise for the rest of this post is approached from this perspective from which I’m portraying my experiences from, and I believe all who come to Him can find that same salvation and knowing.

The Search for Fulfillment

For well over a decade, I had been actively seeking answers to a lot of the deeper life questions:

Why was I here? What’s the point of all of life? What’s my “purpose?” How do I find love, and with whom? Who really let the dogs out (I hope most of you caught that reference)?

I think whether you’re conscious of it or not, most of these questions permeate within you. At some point, they’ll probably rise to the surface (if they haven’t already) to be addressed.

Creation, Fall, Separation

As talked about in Genesis 1-2 in the Bible, we see the history of a perfect paradise that God had created. To summarize in a few sentences, we see the creation of the universe, vegetation, the sun and moon, the animals, and then us, made in His image, male and female. Adam is given work to do (naming the animals as an example), Eve was made not much later (Genesis 2:18), and everything is all hunky dory.

Because of God’s love for us though, He also gave us the ability to choose instead of being robotic programs. Though there were some commands given, such as to “…be fruitful and multiply…” (Genesis 1:28), He gave Adam and Eve freedom to basically live freely, within the spiritual or physical bounds of His instructions (don’t eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 2:17)). Everything needed was provided for.

What did they do? Though they were deceived by the serpent, just like a wayward child who won’t brush their teeth when you ask them, but sneak some candy instead, Adam and Eve both partook in doing the one thing that they were instructed not to do. And many of you know how the rest of the story goes with the fall. If you don’t, go read Genesis 3 in the Bible.

Granted, your child’s choice to eat some candy won’t change the dynamics of the universe and all of life as we know it, but the principle is mirrored in everyday life dynamics to this day. We still carry that same sin nature, as all have throughout all of human history (except Jesus) and continue to do so, since the fall occurred.

Genesis 3:8 also suggests that God is presumed to have often been in Adam and Eve’s presence in the Garden of Eden prior to the fall (in this passage, we see God looking for Adam and Eve one day, but they were hiding because they had just sinned).

Because of this willful act, separation from God the Father occurred, and death (and everything else bad with it) became a thing.

This is important because it is the fall that separated us from the perfect communion with God, but now through Jesus, it is our way to be reconciled back to Him, and in the future as seen in Revelation 21:3, we see that believers will be in His literal presence again.

The Hole in Our Hearts

Because God is the source and sustainer of all life (1 Corinthians 8:6, Philippians 4:19), He is also our source of inner fulfillment; our strength, supporter, and sanctifier. In our current world dynamics, we’re born with this longing, whether at this point you’re aware of this or not. That hole that we try to fill within us with everything else is like trying to use concrete instead of dirt and water to grow a plant in a vase.

Just speaking from my experience, despite God likely “guiding me unknowingly” in many life areas for a long time, even when I wasn’t a believer yet, I almost feel like that had I found Christ much earlier in life…even just 10 or 15 years earlier, I probably could’ve more efficiently aligned with those inner Godly desires. I would’ve been operating from a place of “already fulfilled” more often instead of from a place of emptiness. Though living from that truth is still an ongoing and sanctifying process, had I been on board sooner, I feel like I might be in a place in life where I had truly aspired to be years ago (hypothetically speaking, I suppose).

As an example, in my early twenties, I had often envisioned that I would’ve been married by 30 or so (that timeline ship sailed years ago). Because God’s Word says that (for those who desire marriage), is likely put there by God because God said is “…It is not good that the man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18). So the desire to be in a Godly relationship and aim for a family was/is a non-sinful longing within me (though I didn’t know the source of that longing).

However, as I grew through the teenage years and into the twenties, things got a bit blurry because I didn’t have an unchanging foundation to follow (God’s Word). My parents have a pretty strong marriage, and though I can see many of the biblical dynamics within it and good things instilled within me from them, I was still pulled away by “worldly/cultural” views on things like dating, courtship, flings, etc. In other words, the spirit of lust started to wage war within me from many different sources as I matured…which caused confusion.

And looking back, I recognized times when getting to know a woman that I could see the longing for my true desires in one respect (relationship and potential marriage), but on the other hand, I also felt this pull of “well, even if I ended up in a casual/friends with benefits sort of relationship with someone, I was all for trying that out as well.” That inner war between two directions of dynamics sort of makes you aimless, in a sense. I also found out that following the latter of those 2 directions instilled more emptiness within me.

After coming to faith and being filled with the Holy Spirit (which begins to teach you about righteousness through sanctification), this dichotomy became more abundantly clear. The infiltration of lust can run so deep in so many different ways, and that is something I believe I’m healing through at the moment as well (but that’s a subject for another time).

“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” – Jim Carrey

Referencing Jim Carrey in the quote above, as one of the most famous people in the world who has probably experienced most, if not everything that millions of people probably long for in some way (money, fame, status, recognition, to be loved, etc), I think it’s something to take note of. I’ve come across countless other stories of people talking about others having everything the world can buy, but yet are living in spiritual or mental despair. Why would that be?

Whether it’s money, relationships, friendships, TV, drugs/alcohol, social media, a hobby, work…even the act of chasing ministry pursuits in neglect of taking care of family (for example); there is absolutely nothing in this world that will fully fill the heart of a fallen human in a fallen world…other than Jesus.

Now don’t read what I’m not saying; most of the things I mentioned above are not necessarily harmful within themselves. Things like provision, deep-hearted friendships and relationships, meaningful work, fun hobbies, volunteering, etc. are an extension of God’s grace and grand design within the fabric of our living experience. But what I am saying is that no matter how much of those things you do, eventually it won’t fill the heart in the same way, unless God is with you in it.

“Yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist.” (1 Corinthians 8:6)

I’m not saying we should aim to be less than the best version of ourselves (which God helps us become through sanctification anyways), or that we shouldn’t have goals in life utilizing the gifts, talents, or treasures. A lot of it comes down to the heart of the matter…what’s the aim? What’s the purpose? Will it help serve someone else? Will it bring someone closer to Christ? Is it done out of love or out of egoic motivations?

Embodying Love in a Broken World

Though Jesus is the source of that deep love, acceptance, and validation that we all crave, it’s not always easy to embody, or even accept it for ourselves, which can affect how we live out our lives and integrate within our relationships. As mentioned above, even good things like ministry work, volunteering, playing a sport, etc, can all become an empty pursuit within itself if Jesus isn’t at the center. Honestly, even though I just wrote that, I’m still trying to wrap my head around some of these concepts and living them out, without compulsively overthinking about them as I so often have to fight not doing (OCD sucks, btw).

Embodying the truth of what He says about us in His Word, and reflecting that or living that out every single day is incredibly challenging. Even when you know this truth, it can be easy to get sucked into thoughts of not feeling good enough, serving or doing things for the wrong reasons, or using someone else to fill a void within. Utilizing anything from television to drugs to porn to buying things in excess, can all become vices that we fall into in order to (a lot of the time) just numb the pain we don’t even know the source of until much later on.

If you really sit and think about it, it is somewhat incomprehensible how much we experience on a day to day basis, and how all of those outer influences, patterns, life happenings, and world dynamics infiltrate and form our brains, which form our behaviors, which form our personalities, which form how we relate and operate, and so on and so on.

Mingle all of that together with the complexities of how God built us with our own personal wirings, our thoughts and emotions, weaknesses, the ability to do good or evil, etc….and you have yourself a smorgasbord of awesome but also something quite messy.

Because of my own personal traumas, mistakes, and mental battles, instead of being where I thought I’d be by this point in my life, I ended up creating a life that has been relatively isolated that last decade or so. This doesn’t mean I don’t go to church, serve, work, enjoy conversations, or hang out with friends and family (part of me needs a good amount of recharge time alone). But on a more intimate level, I believe I created walls in areas around nurturing, receiving love, trusting others, or even feeling worthy enough to feel like I can live out the life that I envision/God might have for me. I believe so much of this just occurred over time out of subconsciously needing to protect myself.

Life experiences somewhat early in life such as a physical attack on my life, reactive people in my environment, betrayals, and rejections all added up relatively quickly in some prime developmental years, and unfortunately I think they played a much bigger role in what I carried in my nervous system for decades (and am now finding healing for, albeit slower than I would like).

It’s definitely a journey. Letting the Holy Spirit come into your life to teach, direct, sanctify, and reconstruct all the areas of your life that need healing or redirection can be insanely difficult or painful at times. Sometimes, things simply just don’t go as planned or on the timeline that we expect. And I share these things in hopes that someone reading this will not feel alone as well.

Living from Love & Reprogramming the Mind

So what’s the remedy? How do you actually live from love, or truly receive it in the first place? As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I absolutely knew that I was loved by THE creator of the universe when I accepted Him into my life. It took many years to get to that point, but when you know, you know.

But staying connected to that is hard. I don’t know about you, but I’m not walking around every day at this point having that same feeling in my heart space. I still know He is there, but man, the fight is real some days (especially if you deal with mental health issues such as OCD). And truth be told, you’re not always going to feel it. It can be very easy to fall victim to circumstance, other people’s opinions, the enemy himself, or even just the voice in our head that keeps beating you down.

Honestly, I think the topic of “how to live from love” or from a more optimistic mindset is a very deep, nuanced, and complex topic. That being said, I believe that from the grace of God, He has revealed to us in His Word at least a few ways that we can embody this way of love in our being, while also breaking down the old inner and unhealthy programs that have taken root in the mind.

1. Renewing the Mind and Embodying Belief

You can read something and perhaps believe what you read intellectually, but when something is embodied and believed from the heart, it is then that it starts to integrate and be lived out more effectively (not perfectly).

We can so often look for evidence to accompany a personal belief about something or a circumstance in our life that repeats over and over in order to justify it, even if it’s an unhealthy pattern. Maybe you carry a belief that you’re not a loveable person. Sure, you very well might not easily find evidence in this world to believe that to be true. It also doesn’t mean that we all don’t have flaws or things we may need to work on…but the truth is that Jesus loves everyone.

If you come to the point where you’re able to realize that, it changes everything else, and allows you to start to embody new beliefs. Renewing the mind with what God says about you so that your whole being can slowly but surely begin to believe those truths, will eventually change your outlooks, habits, how you show up, etc. (Romans 12:2).

Reciting positive, truthful Scripture over yourself to slowly but surely retrain the mind, body, and nervous system to believe in how God sees you will eventually make an impact on yourself, and flow out to others with how you live, help, and serve.

2. Love is a choice and a sacrifice

So what is love then? God is love (1 John 4:7-12). Jesus came in human form to reflect and show us the way of love (John 14:8-11). How does He define it though?

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

Let’s face it, on this side of eternity, there are going to be days that it’s hard to love; hard to love your family member, spouse, neighbor, coworker, your crazy pet…you get the picture. It can be difficult to hold our tongue from lashing out, keep resentment from taking root, not allow lust to win out, forgive what may seem unforgivable, change your own habits, etc.

Choosing to love unconditionally isn’t always easy, isn’t necessarily a feeling, and is going to be a sacrifice. We will do it imperfectly, and I believe that’s why implementing mercy, grace, and forgiveness towards others (just as God has done for us) can be so transformative in conjunction with this. We’re able to do this at all because God loved us first (1 John 4:19).

To be clear though, this does not mean that we’re called to blindly trust everyone (Micah 7:5-6, Psalm 118:8). Love can be shown in so many ways, and even finding forgiveness for others who’ve hurt us (but may not be best to be in your life anymore) can help set you free.

The more each human is able to reflect the love of Christ towards each other, as defined by Christ, the more harmonious, uplifting, and joyful life would be. Believers will experience this in complete fullness at some point, for God is love, and being in the presence of God in heaven will infiltrate every part of our soul (Hebrews 12:23). In the meantime though, we will be learning everyday what it means to live this out while we’re down here.

The Invitation

To close, life isn’t always going to make sense. Things here are upside down in a lot of ways, and they weren’t intended to be at the beginning (I actually highly recommend a sermon series my home church just started this year on the “Upside Down Kingdom”).

Whether you’re currently single on this 2026 Valentine’s week (like me), have been married 40+ years, are going through a very dry season in many life areas, or are flourishing in a multitude of ways, I invite you to come to know Jesus and the love that He has for you.

And yes, sometimes we’re not going to fully understand some of our life circumstances as they are happening, but I believe in His promise to always be with us (Hebrews 13:5), and if you feel some ache in your soul still searching for that missing piece, accepting Him is where that piece will complete your puzzle of the investigating you may still be doing.

What are some times you have received a loving gesture from someone as a reflection of God’s love, or went through a time when you really understood God’s love for you? What’s one thing you can do today to show the love of Christ to another? Feel free to share in the comments!

I pray that you were able to take something of encouragement from this post today. Thank you for reading, God bless, and may God be with you.

Corey